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Musings on a Bisexual/Questioning Confession

I saw this ask submitted to biconfessions, and it sort of got me thinking.

I have known that I am bisexual for several years, and I am to a point where I am pretty open about it. Although, even now, as an “established” bisexual who has experienced both sexual and emotional intimacy with same-sex partners (and opposite sex partners), I sometimes still feel insecure in my bisexual identity. It’s almost like I’m afraid that it’s going to up and disappear someday.

For example, if I see a male I am attracted to, I sometimes think to myself “It sure would be nice to have a boyfriend”, and then I start to feel guilty almost. As though having a “heterosexual thought” might somehow mean that I’m not really bi anymore. I particularly felt like this a lot when I was younger and questioning. My best friend is gay, and I was afraid he would assume that I was just imitating him or “doing it for attention”. That part of this ask really hit close to home for me.

Now, obviously, I know that being attracted to any particular person doesn’t change who I am. Just because I happen to be more interested in one gender more than another at some points doesn’t mean that I’m not bi anymore. But there’s still sometimes this little voice in the back of my head that makes me feel insecure about that.

I tend to think that a lot of these feelings come from internalized biphobia. Growing up, I didn’t hear a lot about bisexual people, but the things I did hear weren’t very flattering. I’d heard people say that bisexuals were just attention-seekers. That there was no such thing as a permanent bisexual (“it’s just a phase”). I’d heard people say that bisexuals were indecisive or would never be able to be faithful to a single partner. That they were just straights who were trying to be cool and alternative by imitating gay people.

These messages and stereotypes still affect me to this day. Even though I know¬†intellectually¬†that they’re just stereotypes and aren’t necessarily true, it’s still as if I am afraid that they will come true anyways. That I’ll suddenly become this indecisive, unfaithful person. Or that I’ll “turn straight” because it was “just a phase”. I have no reason to believe that these things will come true, but yet a small part of me still fears that they will. I still feel afraid of losing part of myself.

I wonder whether gay and lesbian people ever feel this way. Do they feel afraid that their “gayness” will disappear or afraid that the stereotypes they’ve always heard will come true for them (despite no evidence that they will)? Afraid that they went through the emotional struggle and stress of coming out for no reason?

I’m not gay or lesbian, so I don’t know. I wonder what other people think about this.

Filed under bisexuality questioning biphobia LGBT queer Musings on... Nimbus Uncensored

  1. nimbusuncensored reblogged this from chamberlian and added:
    Ah, I understand. We all have our own journeys, and each comes with its own obstacles and difficulties. I think the...
  2. zuckerzucker reblogged this from bisexualftw and added:
    This is EXACTLY how I have been feeling lately.
  3. chamberlian reblogged this from nimbusuncensored and added:
    I’m just horrified that monosexual society has so… infected people with negative stereotypes that those stereotypes are...
  4. godisdyingtoo reblogged this from bisexual-community
  5. lyngay reblogged this from imfromdriftwood
  6. imfromdriftwood reblogged this from bisexual-community
  7. feministoutrage reblogged this from bisexualftw
  8. brother-prickle reblogged this from lyraeon
  9. n0proxy reblogged this from lyraeon
  10. hatsandfruit reblogged this from zacksplosion
  11. zacksplosion reblogged this from lyraeon
  12. lyraeon reblogged this from merinnan
  13. merinnan reblogged this from bisexual-community
  14. charliesdragon reblogged this from angelo-saxon and added:
    I did a little thought experiment with myself while reading this, what if I was to say “No, done with being bi now, I’ll...
  15. angelo-saxon reblogged this from bisexual-community
  16. ghostcompliant reblogged this from anafieldelaunay
  17. nonexistentgaydar reblogged this from bisexualftw and added:
    Hmm, now that that question has been brought up, I sort of wonder if gay/lesbian people feel that way too. But...
  18. embraceesme reblogged this from bisexual-community
  19. fliponymous reblogged this from nimbusuncensored
  20. cherieofthedragons reblogged this from bisexual-community
  21. secretaznjen reblogged this from bisexual-community and added:
    ugh everything about this. i so wish i were a lesbian most of the time. but i really can’t deny how much i love guys and...
  22. augustari reblogged this from bisexual-community